Screeeeeeeeeech!!!

This is a sound that has shattered glass, bent metal, drilled holes in walls, displaced heavy furniture like sofas and tables, forced every animal in the vicinity of it's occurence to bury their heads in the nearest water source, increased my Dad's blood pressure and given my Mom numerous headaches. It is also the sound of my sister screaming, the sound that has been haunting me for 22 years of my life.

My little sister made her entrance into this world of ours on October 11th 1983 with the sole aim of hogging the limelight from the deserving me. After 1 year, 1 month and 4 days of sheer bliss a little imp crept in and my life was never the same again. (sigh)

After my mom returned from the hospital, I went to take a look at this sibling of mine who had dared to keep my mom away from me for two whole days. I was all set to wage a full war to win back what was rightfully mine. But, observing that she couldn't even stand on her own two legs (I had learnt to, a couple of weeks back) and being a fair man(err.. baby) who fought only his equals, I let her off with a menacing look that was intended as a warning. But she proceeded to flaunt my warning for the next 2 years and clung to Mom, crying whenever she was put down even if it were only for a few moments.

But that was only the beginning. You will understand what I meant about 'hogging the limelight' when you read this incident about my admission to Kindergarten.

I was supposed to meet the principal before being admitted to the school in question. For whatever reason(that I can't fathom till date) my Dad decided to take my sister along with us. During the meeting I was asked this phenomenally difficult question. "What is your name?". While I was thinking hard trying to come up with the best possible answer my sister yells out "Leon Nirmal Francis". I get mad. Did she really think I did not know the answer to that one. I was just debating on "Leon" or "Nirmal" or "Leon Nirmal". I was certainly not intending to give out "Francis". If she was too young to understand the finer issues of life like privacy she should have just shut up. Thank goodness the Principal was able to see through my elaborate thinking process, else I might have been denied admission and this blog would have never happened.

In addition to hogging the limelight by fascinating visitors with her gift of the gab, she also took advantage of my niceness(ahem..;-)). Whenever she got into the mood for eating a dairy milk chocolate she would come to me and ask me to go to the store and buy one for both of us.
Nish: Nimu.. I just have to have a Cadburys bar now
Me: So get it yourself
Nish: But my hair is all messy and I have to get changed. You can go as you are.
Me: No way.. I told you last time that I would never do it again..
Nish: Please
Me: No
Nish: Please, please, please..
Me: No means No.

My sister leaves. I heave a sigh of relief. Exactly half an hour later I go the shop and get her the chocolate. I have wasted 30 minutes fighting with my conscience and mind you the devil in me always wins. My sis takes the chocolate with a thank you and a smile that I suspect is a smirk. AND THIS HAPPENS EVERY WEEK. grrrr...

My sister's enormous fear of cockroaches has bothered me to no end. A random incident for emphasis follows:
I get up in the middle of the night for a drink of water. I see 'something' wrapped up on our swing in the living room. My curiosity was aroused and I bend forward to peer and see if it was really what I thought it was- "A human being"(Looking back I think it was very brave of me). At that very instant the 'something' opened it's eyes and let out a classic scream that served three purposes 1. Woke everyone in the household. 2. Confirmed the identity of the 'something' in the swing. 3. Left me without my sense of hearing for the next couple of days. The investigation that followed revealed that after sighting a cockroach in her room, my sister had preferred to sleep on the swing since it did not touch the floor. I was promptly displaced from my bed and sent to sleep in my sister's room. Feeling especially malevolent, I could not resist talking about the increasing number of flying cockroaches in my room.

I could forgive my sister everything but for the fact that she took a dislike to almost every girl that I liked. Imagine the following scenario when I come back home after meeting up with a girl I happen to like..
Me: (with stars in my eyes) Isn't that girl wonderful?
Nish: hah! what taste you have in girls..
Me: What was wrong with her?
Nish: I found her real boring when you got her home earlier this week.
Me: What do you mean boring?
Nish: Let me put it this way.. She talks about the weather beautifully.
Me: Now.. you aren't being fair. She doesn't know you well enough to talk about personal things.
Nish: Yes.. but did she have to nod her head to everything I say
Me: (nastily) Everyone would nod their head to everything you say hoping you'd just shut up.
Nish: (patronizingly) now, don't get upset. She's ok.. but not your type.
Me: How the hell do you know who's my type and who's not?
Nish: (more patronizingly) I know, that's all
Me: Give me a logical reason
Nish: (even more patronizingly) you wouldn't understand
Me: (jumping up and down) I WOULD. I DARE YOU TO TELL ME
Nish: Nimu.. you're such a baby.. Why don't YOU give me a logical reason for liking her?
Me: err.. she's a nice girl
Nish: why do you think she's nice
Me: err.. she talks well
Nish: why do you say she talks well? Did she give you a detailed weather forecast too?
Me: No dammit, we discussed culture and politics.
Nish: Those are big topics indeed. I'm willing to give her the benefit of doubt and accept that she did talk about those subjects.
Me: (Beaming)
Nish: (continues..) But given the fact that you don't know a damn thing about both those topics, wouldn't you agree she's not your type?
Me: (Grit my teeth and count slowly upto 100 wishing murder wasn't a crime in India)

After illustrating the numerous ways in which my sis irritates me it's only fair that I gloat a little about about how I get back at her. Consider a typical conversation between us:
Nish: And there was this guy I met in that college fest.
Me: Mmmm
Nish: He was so interesting. Unlike most other guys i've met.
Me:Mmmm
Nish: Didn't keep trying to fall over his feet doing me favors
Me:Mmmm
Nish: We talked about a lot of stuff. He knows so much. He's like a walking encyclopedia. Imagine me not feeling bored after talking to a guy for 2 whole hours.
Me: Mmmm
Nish: He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. He said I talked well and that I should go the debate competition next week.
Me: Mmmm
Nish: What do you think?
Me: Mmmm
Nish: well.. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Me: Mmmm
Nish: NIRMAL
Me: (looking at her with a jolt) huh?
Nish: You weren't listening to a word I said
Me: I was. You were talking about some guy err.. in some college fest.. err no in some debate competition (stare stupidly at her)
Nish: I'm never going to tell you anything again.
Me: I wish
My sis Walks away with a look that would've killed everyone except me(I've developed a kind of immunity over the years).

Looking back, I must say that I've taken my sister for granted. I'm sorry Nish, for all the times I've neglected you for other (ahem).. girls, for all the times I've made you play second fiddle to my computer, for all the times the book I was reading was too important for me to stop and listen to you, for all the times I've leaked out your secrets, for all the times I have ridiculed your driving and finally for all the times I've asked you to stop yelling.

Because right now sitting miles and miles away from you, that 'Screeeeeeeeeech..' is the sound of music. MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!! I LOVE YOU!

Now.. before you start floating among the clouds, there's something you must know.

MUMMY LOVES ME MORE THAN YOU!!! SO THERE!!! :p